From my Daily Life piece today, on Mothers Day, advertising and button down shirts:
According to the Attenborough-esque documentary tidbits known as ‘ads’ screened in between television stories, a peculiar thing happens to women when they become mothers. Prior to having children, they were these sort of attractively superficial people with an overwhelming interest in frivolity. They craved the superior equestrian ability that tampons gave them, and enjoyed falling in love with handsome strangers over the mutual appreciation of instant coffee. They drank Diet Coke through straws and tittered with their friends about the Office Hunk who cleaned windows as a side project to international modeling. They knew the brazen confidence that could be harnessed through a bouncy hairdo or an effective deodorant or the technological miracle of a moisturising razor. When they weren’t having yoghurt parties in the park, they worried about what to feed their small dogs. Sometimes, they just liked to stand in the garden and spin. They were Fun, Vibrant and Free.
But were they happy? I put it to you that they were not. Because as everyone knows, women need only one thing to be truly content and that is to push a 7 pound cantaloupe out of their special area that they can then spend the rest of their lives protecting from germs, picking up from soccer practice and feeding porridge to. Girls can run on the beach in minuscule white bikinis to their hearts content - but surely such gay abandon is meaningless if there are no platters of KFC and hapless husbands to come home to at the end of the day?