Fat People Cry
Published in the Sunday Mail TV Guide: Jan 30, 2011
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As any good TV executive worth their weight in ratings can tell you, there are few things more gratifying then a down-and-outer-comes-good reality outing. They appeal to our initial sense of Schadenfreude and then our desire to see ourselves as benevolent spiritual beings, bestowing our sympathy and encouragement upon the unloved and unattractive.
And let’s face it, they’re cheap to make. I could almost guarantee that the production budget for most reality character quests is the following:
1 x cardboard house ($100 from IKEA)
1 x CD of dramatic instrumental music ($9.99 from the bargain bin at Sanity)
1 x rights to Shannon Noll’s back catalogue (carton of VB)
1 x has-been celebrity host (career relevance PRICELESS)
So I don’t know about the rest of you, but I for one am looking forward to the debut of tonight’s The Biggest Loser. A regular staple of my television diet since its wholesome beginnings, The Biggest Loser ticks all the right boxes when it comes to quality reality entertainment. I call it the principle of the Three Es – Earnestly Edited Exploitation.
Look, we all know that being fat is the Worst Thing In The World You Could Possibly Be. Nobody likes fat people. They take up too much room on the airplanes and don’t have to pay for it, and they’re lazy. They’re also fat.
But they only have themselves to blame! I mean, look at the way they eat. Everyone knows that fat people eat lard directly out of the tub and shower in chocolate fountains. They all hide cheese under their pillows. Don’t eat around them, because you know they’re all staring at your food and wondering how they can immobilize you enough to steal it. Sit on you, probably. It’s a science fact that every time a fat person eats a Big Mac, somewhere in the world a kitten cries itself to death.
Shows like The Biggest Loser are a godsend because they help to rid our society of fat people, one thunderous step at a time. We know that Australia is in the vicelike grip of an obesity epidemic – a plague! – because we read it in the newspaper and they’re always talking about it on Today Tonight. What better way to combat the elephants in the room than by parading them about on national television and getting everyone to laugh at them? It’s not really, truly unkind because we’re helping them. We’re joining them on their journey to lose 25 kilos in a day and helping to teach them that being thin makes you a better person.
And at the end, when they all cartwheel out onto that stage in mini dresses and Ed Hardy mankinis, surfing on the rolling waves of everyone’s joyous tears, the only thing thundering will be our applause.
