solwat asked: As if there are any other girls? I mean, I live in the innercity and all the chai places are effectively flooded with le indiekids. Plus tumblr is this crazy haven, and twitter is no much better. Thanks for the follows, by the way. Those numbers are how I judge my life success.
Crisitunity and Tim Tams: Date me →
walkingthroughthequagmire: 28 year old emotionally unavailable, sociopath man-child seeks company of a female of similar age (or whatever, I don’t care. As long as you’re legal) for an awkward first date where I’ll say something really stupid like “the holocaust would’ve been awesome if they dressed the guards up as clowns”… You’ve got to go and read the whole post. Very funny.
sans-pants asked: You have to choose one Baldrick to do sex with. Do you choose: The Blackadder Baldrick, Blackadder II Baldrick, Blackadder the Third Baldrick, or Blackadder Goes Forth Baldrick. The future of the universe rests on your choice.
solwat asked: I'd love to think that beards are such a natural aphrodisiac but, well. In my experience they offer less than startling results in the pants removal department.
Beard Compliment Translations
jerryroush: “Wow, that’s a really nice beard you have.” I want to have sex with you. “Are you working on growing a beard?” I would be extremely attracted to you if you started growing a beard. “I hope you’re planning on growing out your beard for winter.” I would be DTF if you had a winter beard. “Your beard looks good today.” My pants are coming off. I would add to this: ...
As far as days went, it was shaping up to be pretty perfect. The Mediterranean reclined languorously before us, a plump and undulating doyenne wrapped in a sheath of turquoise, sending secrets forth on the waves. Above her, the Sun cast forth His golden arrows, trying to penetrate the surface of that glittering beauty whom he saw every day but who as yet remained...
21st Century Friendship
I just told my wife Lady Rebecca that I was worried about dying because then someone would see all the illicit photographs I’ve taken of myself to send to various paramours. She told me she’d steal my computer and erase them all. I promised that if she died, I’d steal her computer and replace all of the pictures of cats with porny pictures of film stars so she wouldn’t look...
Anonymous asked: Someone who sees through Australia's weird hero-worship of sports people! And who gives the ridiculous racists short shrift! And is feminist! And (perhaps most importantly) has the same disturbingly salacious crush on Malcolm Turnbull! Yay, kindred spirit! I only hope that one day I can write as wittily and as well as you do. Keep at it - you're a star.
Barnaby Joyce: Queenslander. Senator. Protector. →
Nationals Senate leader Barnaby Joyce said his four daughters would be affected if same sex marriage was allowed. “We know that the best protection for those girls is that they get themselves into a secure relationship with a loving husband and I want that to happen for them. “I don’t want any legislator to take that right away from me.” Barnaby Joyce is no stranger...
Cadel Evans and illusion of heroism →
I wrote this for The Drum. Some people agree, some people are angry. Meh. ———- Like all good men returning from battle, Cadel Evans was consumed by the roaring rush of praise when he was welcomed home in Melbourne on Friday. As the fluttering specks from the ticker tape parade bathed him and all his fans in a multicoloured veil of celebration, one word was played on repeat,...
meeting in the aisle: So you want to volunteer... →
lyrianfleming: It sounds great, doesn’t it? Give up all your wealthy trimmings, put on your sensible outdoorsy clothes and become one with ‘the locals’in an exotic location like Cambodia or Papua New Guinea or Uganda. You want to give back, right? Atone for the accident of your birth which saw you born into a… I highly recommend following the above link and checking out the post in its...
How to eat like a freelance writer
When you make a living as a freelance writer - and I’ll pause a moment so all the freelance writers out there can collapse in hysterics over the idea that you can make anything out of writing, let alone a living - your life will ebb and flow like the waves upon a resort shore that you can never afford to visit. But sometimes, it will seem as if the heavens are shining down upon you. Every...
RayS : 01 Aug 2011 11:29:53am It’s terrible isn’t it Clem? Even after Slutwalk was such an unambiguous success and a crushing statement, people can still question whether girls should dress slutty. I mean, girls should be able to go round naked and then hitch-hike home alone along the Hume highway at night and none of this should be admissable as evidence if they get raped....
In which I write about Can of Blerms
I’m at The Drum this morning, responding to that dreck Channel Ten vomited up last Monday night and tried to masquerade as a thoughtful show about social quandaries. An excerpt: In admiration, we watched as Dicko, a man of such keen insight, such enigmatic intellectualism that he need only go by a single name - like Plato, or Socrates, or Warney - asked the question that we didn’t...